It is time.

You refused to give in from the beginning even though you know it is going to turn out badly. Somehow after doing it, you know how badly it hurts and you really just want everything to go back to normal. 


I refused to give you up in the beginning so I asked and I begged, with that little hope blinking like a lighthouse in a wide dark sea. I knew it wasn't going to happen like I hoped for, but I refused to give up, I put my faith in you. But there you were, putting all of those aside, crushing everything I had in you. You then asked and you begged, just for everything to go back to normal. It is miserable living like that everyday, I don't like it either so I came up with a one last chance, I told you. 


You were hurting so badly, I feel awful for you. I hope it all stop immediately just so you would stop hurting. You heard me telling you bout the last chance that you could make it up to all of this, you told me you would do it and that it seemed to be the only choice left. 


It was then still early to catch a bus, train, flight, etc.. whatever that would bring you home to me. I refused to see that you, somehow purposely delay the time by sitting there, doing nothing. You told me you were checking the flight and trying to book it, but on the other hand, you were just sitting there. Obviously time didn't quite matter to you. But I didn't give up, deep within me, I still hoped that you'd do it for me this time. At least this time, after knowing how much it hurts, you'd do it. At that time, I trusted you again, I knew you'd make the right choice this time. You told me you're going back to pack up everything and you went. Later it was way past 2 in the morning, you were nowhere to be heard of. 


I tried to reach you, I told myself that it's too late to do anything, maybe I should tell you that you can come home in the morning, I'll wait for you. I was very worried that you were already out somewhere, chasing after whatever that would bring you home. I was so worried that I couldn't stop thinking, if whatever were to happen to you, how am I going to live with myself?


I called you in the morning once I woke up. Guess what? I just made a fool out of myself the whole night. The whole night when I thought you were out doing things for me, finally. You were just sleeping. You told me that you were coming home, you told me that you were going to pack your stuff. I trusted you. Truth is, you were again just putting thoughts in my mind, you were again just there doing nothing, hoping that I'd change my mind on the things that you want to do. In the end, you lied, you were lying on the bed instead of packing. I know you were not feeling well, but if you really had the heart to come home, wouldn't you be anywhere else but, your bed?


It is not very nice of me to force you like that, in a way. I know you're halfway trying to finish up your things. I might not be happy if you told me that, you know that. Instead, you chose to lie to me this time like you always have, you manipulate your way out. Because you know that I care, you used that to your advantage. You tell me one thing, and you do another. I guess this time again, I hoped that you would finally do something for me, just for me. Just this time, you would put down your own things and give in.


          I was wrong

It was never the last chance,

I could never not want you.

But it is time.

Time I learn to let go.

Time I be stern with myself.